The Long-Term Parenting Prize

It is so easy for us as parents to get side-tracked by the latest short-term goals. We may start feeling that our latest short-term goal, whether it is introducing solid food, independent sleeping or managing temper tantrums, is what we are parenting for. We may even begin to feel that our very worth as parents is measured by our success in achieving the short-term goals and that the more “advanced” our child is the better we are as parents. What pressure it can be! Losing sight of the long-term parenting prize is a dangerous trap. What will really matter twenty or thirty years from now? What kind of adult might your child become and how will you have contributed to this? How will you look back on your parenting then? I know that in another twenty or thirty years the age at which my child first spoke, or ate solid food, or slept through the night, or slept in her own bed, or walked, or weaned will be nothing more than a memory and a note in a dusty photobook. I believe that the moments that really matter, the true tests of my parenting, are the moments that we don’t take notes about:

the moments when I delight in her exploration (and never mind the mess that it is creating)
the moments of relaxed play together (and never mind my to do list)
the moments of enjoying an experience together, whether it is a grand outing or simply watching her favourite show
the moments when I involve her in what I’m doing (and never mind that it takes longer)
the moments when she needs me and I am there
the moments when I listen to what she has to say (however she is saying it)
the moments when I just enjoy giving her the cuddle that she has asked for

It is these moments that are etching into her heart her most important lessons:

that she is loved
that exploration and learning is a delight
that what she thinks and feels is important
that she has the power to meet her needs
that people will help and support her (so ask for help)
that I am there for her, always

One day, in twenty or thirty years, I hope that these lessons will be as certain for her as gravity. I hope that they will be etched into her very being. With these lessons at her centre, imagine the joys that she will experience, the adventures that she will have and the contributions that she will make to the world. That is my long-term parenting prize and my aim is to keep my eyes on it.

Apply it to your life: What is your long-term parenting prize? How do you parent to it?