To me, one of the most wondrous aspects of parental love is the sheer unconditionality of it. We fall madly in love with our children before we even know, in any real sense, who our children are. Parental love is wide open, spacious and infinitely curious to discover. It can be tempting, oh so tempting, […]
I really hate the date night solution: the idea that you keep a relationship happy and healthy through regular date nights. Okay, so don’t get me wrong. I don’t think there’s anything remotely wrong with a couple organising a babysitter and going out to a restaurant or a movie for the evening. If you manage […]
To choose to have children is to accept the challenge of finding, within yourself, unconditional love. It is the challenge of accepting into your heart someone who could be anyone. It is the challenge of loving fully someone you could lose. Your children may come easily and quickly, or unexpectedly, or slowly and painfully and […]
A major problem with the human mind is how quickly we think of the big, the grandiose, the larger than life, and then get stuck there. So, in wanting to show our partner how much we love them, we think of going on a date to a fancy restaurant or buying an expensive present, not […]
I love Christmas. I love Christmas trees covered in baubles, houses bedecked with lights, Christmas carols, shortbread, snow globes, Christmas movies, tiny trains driving in circles past tiny houses… But it is more than that. I love marking the end of a year with such joy, spending time with my family and reconnecting with friends. […]
We have a cultural obsession with the bliss of bonding that I think can be very unhelpful. We set new parents up to expect that their first months with their newborn baby will be euphoric. But not only that, we prime them to believe that the moments of rapture are the vital, essential moments in […]
Therapists (psychologists, counsellors, social workers) talk about falling into the trap of seeing a client as a problem to be solved. It is really very easy to fall into this trap and many therapists fall into it for all the right reasons and with all the best intentions. But it definitely is a trap. When […]
Here’s a little game that I like to play with myself. During those tough parenting moments — the 2am strolls up and down our hallway, the entirely inconvenient and loud tantrums, the discovery of a glorious mess – I reach deep into my own heart and I find the love I feel for my daughter. Now […]
Showering love on your child, in other words, giving your child plenty of attention and affection and responding to their (developmentally appropriate) requests for more attention and affection has many benefits. It will help to develop your child’s confidence, to strengthen your relationship with your child (a boon for other aspects of parenting), and increase […]