Knowing when to lower the bar

Parenting is a 24/7 job and you can’t be at your best 24/7.   I know that I am capable of providing my toddler with a day filled with a whirlwind of enriching and stimulating activities and outings, while simultaneously keeping my household running, encouraging her emotional development and responding to any challenges along the way with patience, love and humour.  But I also know that I am not capable of that every day and neither is my toddler.  Good parenting 24/7 is about knowing when to lower the bar; for both yourself and your child.  By lowering the bar I mean deliberately avoiding challenging situations and, as best you can, planning your day to be easy, relaxing and happy for both you and your child.  I find that by being realistic about what I am capable of, on any given day, and lowering the bar from the outset, I can still be the best parent that I can be.  It means that I don’t knowingly put myself in a situation where I might lose my temper, or become impatient or be tempted to ignore my child. I also pay attention to whether my toddler is tired, sick or clingy and give her easy days when she needs it too.  I don’t push her to perform at her full capacity every day either.  Here are some of my favourite ways to have an easy day:

• Going back to bed with my child and a good book (especially during babyhood)
• Buying groceries online (and avoiding the shops)
• Eating picnic style (and avoiding the highchair)
• Cuddling up together and watching Playschool
• Blaring Wiggles music all day
• Watching a children’s movie together
• Setting her up in a favourite activity, like play doh, and watching while I do something for myself

So far, there have been times when I need an easy day and times I need an easy week.  Some bars I find I’m happy to permanently lower (I started grocery shopping online to make the early months easier and I haven’t looked back.  I may never push a grocery-laden trolley again and, you know what?  I’m a happier person for it).  The key, I’ve found, is to be aware of my own feelings and to be honest with myself about them.  Am I exhausted, stressed, sick?  Well, then let’s be realistic…

Apply it to your life: Are you capable of more on some days than others?  How do you make things easier for yourself when you are tired, sick or stressed?  How do you make things easier for your child when your child is tired, sick or clingy?